That Very Thing
by Bri-Coppola
Summary: book/story about Alice's life based off of my real life drama.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This Story is completely real life. It's not something I made up. The way that I wrote it is in a diary form. There isn't any dialogue. The only thing that's not real is the people's names. **

**Chapter One**

I always find myself just sitting around thinking about nothing and everything. How can a place so big be so small? When will I find love? When will my head stop spinning of sorrows and pain? Just a few questions to ask myself. I spend most of my days crying and asking myself "why isn't it better?" Maybe the good part for my life just hasn't come yet. I'm seventeen and getting older every second. I try not to waste too much time, but even I have to stop and watch a little T.V.

My mom thinks the television is my life. Sometimes she might be right. I'd rather sit in front of the television thinking that I have no responsibilities. It makes me feel younger than what I really am. It makes me feel that I don't have to grow up and deal with reality.

I'm not a kid anymore though. I'm going to be a senior in high school. Life is changing and obviously I'm changing. Scary, I know. But that's what makes it so much fun. But the good part is, summer is here. This means summer job and summer fun. Of course I'm not looking forward to trying to find a job, especially since I haven't worked a day in my life.

So me, Alice is contemplating on what I want to do. I realized something, for a person who doesn't know crap about getting a job I'm very picky. I really don't want to work at a fast-food place, but then again those might be the only places that hire in the summer. I don't really know.

But I do know one thing, and that is that I totally miss my best friend. It seems like Bella has been gone forever. She went to Las Vegas with her boyfriend Jasper. Honestly I totally don't get her relationship with him.

One minute she hates his guts and the next she's flying all over the map with him. Bella is always complaining that he is so jealous and that he needs to loosen up more. But you know what; I can totally understand Jasper's jealousy sometimes. Bella is a big flirt and she is definitely not afraid to show it.

She totally puts herself in those compromising situations where Jasper, as her boyfriend is not comfortable. I mean you can't blame him for loving you and wanting to protect you.

So I talked to Bella the other day. Guess what she told me? She and Jasper had sex with each other. I'm still in shock that she would even have sex with him. I really don't understand her relationship with him. It's the most complicated thing in the world.

I don't know how many times Jasper and Bella have broken up and then gotten back together. I don't understand why she keeps going back to him. Bella is always telling me something wrong he has done to her and all this other stuff about him.

I mean I love Jasper, he's a really cool guy but I don't think he's good for her. Or it might be the other way around. I'm not exactly sure about that whole thing.

But I really don't have time to deal with other people's problems when I'm having my own shit to deal with. My senior year is coming up and I'm already stressing out about finals. I have no idea how I'm about to deal with this all.

So I'm halfway through senior year and everything is going down the drain. I'm so stressed out right now. The only good thing is that I have my best friend Rosalie by my side. I'm so fucking glad I met this crazy girl this year.

I don't think I can survive high school without this person. Rosalie is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. If it wasn't for her I really don't think I would be who I am today.

It just sucks that it had to take four years to find someone like her. I've never known a person as good as her besides my grandma. I feel like I wouldn't be able to go on if she wasn't there to motivate me. No joke, Rosalie has seriously changed my life around, and I feel like a better person because of her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I have the blind ambition of a bat in daylight. I feel like this almost every day of the week. Most of that feeling comes from the fact that I am in high school. Then again maybe that's the problem for every teenager.

I still can't believe that everyone and their mom is mad at me. Edward still hasn't messaged me back. I called him and he wasn't there. I think he is seriously pissed at me.

That totally sucks balls. Our as Bella would say, "Old sweaty man balls". That would be insanely hilarious if I want so depressed about everything.

I hate that my life is finally coming together and now it's just falling apart all over again. Only this time I don't know if I can fix it.

With Bella, it's like "I'm only one person". I can't be in two places at once, even though I would love to be. I just don't think that either one of my two friends fully understands what I feel like. I want to hang out with Tasha, but I also want to hang out with Rosalie.

Now that Victoria, (our other friend that use to hang out with us) left for Texas (major ugh) it's going to be even harder to balance it all out.

I just think that everyone is expecting way too much from me, and I can't please everyone.

Then the whole Edward thing is a whole other story. He told him something very personal and I guess my reaction to what he was telling me wasn't what he liked. I can't help the way that I react to something. When I laugh something off it's not because I don't care, it's just the way I handle things.

I'd rather not deal with reality, that's just the way I am. Plus the fact that I think I'm falling for him that just makes this whole thing entirely worse. It makes me sad and upset that one of my best friends is upset with me.

I love Edward and he knows that I do, but the thing is we are always just going to be friends. If I could kill myself right now, I probably would.

Then don't even get me started with Jacob. He is totally stressing out which is thus stressing me out. He's losing himself and now he is doing drugs. Not the good kind of drugs that I do, but some other shit.

He is way sad and depressed. But the good thing is that he isn't as sad and depressed like he use to be. I just love the fact that he is even talking to me about stuff. Normally he would just cut himself off from people and the world. At least he is telling me some stuff, and giving me hugs like he use to.

I don't know why, but I just wish I was back in English class with him like last year. That was seriously the best time I had ever spent with him. I just loved talking to him about everything and nothing. We mostly just talked about music.

Like all the bands he listens to and the bands that I dint know about. The only problem was that we were in class and there were other people there. It would have been perfect if it was just me and him.

I always thought it was funny when he would tickle me or hold my hand. The best time was when he was holding my hand and out teacher said out loud to the whole class, "So Jacob, are you proposing to her or what?" We both laughed so much about that. It was funny because I know things like that don't happen to someone like me. It always amazes me with what Jacob is capable of.

Life is so weird right now. I'm worried about stupid finals and graduation, plus the fact that college is so damn soon. I feel like everything is so out of control, but at the same time so in control.

I joined some dating websites again. I figure since I can't get anyone to notice me at school the whole online thing might work out this time. Plus it's been like four months since the whole Andrew thing.

Andrew, the first guy I met offline. I had joined these two dating websites, Plenty of Fish, and OkCupid. Bella and Jessica got me into the whole dating website world. I mean it couldn't hurt to at least try.

So I was talking to this guy named Andrew, and he seemed like a really nice decent person. Valentines Day was coming up and he wanted to take me on a date. Of course I agreed to it because I thought it might be fun.

We had a fun time that day. He took me to Scandia and we played mini golf. I remember being so nervous around him. After we left Scandia, we got a bite to eat at Burger King. He totally did that cute I'll feed you thing, which worked. It was so adorable and sweet. Then we just drove around not doing anything, just talking really. I was having the best time with him.

I can remember him asking me do I kiss on the first date. My initial response was "no unless I really like you". Of course I really liked him. So we both leaned in for the first kiss. There were no sparks, it was just a kiss. I was a little disappointed but he was so cute, it made up for it.

He took me home after we talked some more and of course made out some more. He said he would call me on Monday so we could hang out. I was really looking forward to his call. I really liked Andrew and I was hoping that he liked me.

Unfortunately I should have known that disappointment was just around the corner. Two weeks past and I still didn't receive a call from him. At this point I figured he wasn't going to call. I just wish that he didn't lead me on making me think that he liked me. I wouldn't of been so mad if he would of just told me that he wasn't interested in me instead of just not saying anything to me.

I mean guys are stupid sometimes, but I cant let that one thing ruined my whole dating experience. I cant let one stupid fucker keep me from dating, right?

I don't know who or what is out there, but I know that I'm not going to be afraid of at least trying. But I have met some really nice people on the websites. This one guy names Jason, he's really awesome. He is way funny and cute, and horny. No but seriously, he is a really cool person and I hope if things don't work out we can remain friends. He's just a really nice funny guy. I'm also talking with some other guys, but I'm not really interested in them. But there is this one guy, I don't know his real name but his user name is Cleric something. He seems really nice.

So the school year is completely over now and I'm officially out of high school. I'm kind of sad that high school is done with. I'm totally going to miss going to classes (except Mr. Carlton's) and seeing all my friends. Like Jacob, that loser boy. I'm so mad at him because he didn't sign my year book. He told me that he would call me, but I know that he won't. I really care about him and I wish him the best. The one thing that I really do care about is my friends, so the fact that he wouldn't sign my yearbook just made me feel like I wasn't truly his friend. I mean, it's not really that important to sign one's yearbook, but it's just the idea behind it.

So remember how I was talking about the guy Jason I met online? Well that didn't turn out so good. Apparently his name isn't even Jason, its Tim. He is thirty years old and way too old for me. I thought that it wouldn't be a problem that he was so old, but at this point in my life I need someone who is at the same point as me.

But anyways, I hate the way I ended things with him. I knew that he really like me, but I dint like him like that. I had no idea how to tell him without hurting him. So of course I lied.

Not my proudest moment but I couldn't think of a way to break things off with him. So like the dumb ass I am, I told him that I was moving to Iowa because I want to go to school out there and that I met a guy. I know that was like the meanest thing to do, and I'll never forgive myself because he was a really nice person. I just hope he finds someone who really cares about him because he deserves at least that.

I feel really bad about that, and he felt as if I just crushed him. He sent me a message saying how I lied to him and that I played him, basically in the end of that message he called me a whore. I completely understand his anger, but I've never been called a whore before. I was a little taken back by that. But I guess I understand why he said that, he was very upset.

But the thing about the message I sent him, part of it was true. I did meet someone else. Do you remember the Cleric dude I was talking about? Well his name is Emmett, and he's really nice. I mean really nice. I actually went on a date with him the other day.

He wanted to take me on a date, and of course I wanted to go, but I was way too nervous. So what do I do? I asked Bella if she wanted to go with me on the date. Yea it was a little awkward at first but we both got use to it. I just hated the fact that she had to leave a little later during the day.

So we went to the movies to see Drag Me to Hell. But before the movie we walked around the mall. I don't think I've ever been that nervous around someone before, like I was around Emmett. The thing about me is, when I get nervous I tend to get really awkward. Bella actually pointed that out to me.

I remember feeling as if Emmett didn't like me. So when he went to his car to put something in it, which was the perfect opportunity to take to Bella before, she had to leave. She was telling me that I should hold his hand or something. I was just thinking how weird that might be. To my surprise she texted him saying that I wanted to hold his hand. I felt my face turn so red when he walked back into the movie theater.

I said my goodbyes to Bella and I also told her that I was going to kill her if she text him. Emmett and I found some good seats in the back of the theater where no one was sitting. As we were watching the movie I noticed that he got a text message and I was praying that it wasn't Bella. When he reached over and grabbed my hand, I realized that either Bella just text him or he just wanted to do that.

Either way I was happy. After the movie we went to his friends place and drank and played some drinking games. His friends are really cool. That could be because I just like to hang around older people, or because they are really that cool.

I think we reached my place around ten o'clock. I had the best time with him today. Actually the best time I've had in a really long time. I mean we did a lot of stuff today, possible some things that I shouldn't have done. But I mean it wasn't my fault, okay maybe it was my fault because I let it happen. But he used my weak spot against me, so it wasn't all fair games.

I'm not saying that I didn't like it, I'm just wondering what the fuck is going to happen on our second date. I mean giving a blow job on the first date is a little sluty. Having a guy finger you is also a little sluty. But I mean we both enjoyed it so, as long as we're happy that's all that matters. Even though I would never do that on a date; for some reason he just makes me feel better.

I just hope there is a second date. Maybe I'm just worrying too much about it. I feel like everything is just going to turn into crap like everything else in my life. I just feel like there is something wrong with me and that's why my relationships never work out.

Like with Andrew, I mean we went on one date then he completely stopped talking to me. I guess I'm just really stupid because it seems like I always fall for the wrong person. So I'm hoping that this time I didn't. but if I did I'm just hoping that I don't get hurt too bad.


End file.
